if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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