I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize