How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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