She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't watch enough power rangers
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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