the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
