Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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