There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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