my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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