everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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