You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just threw up on my dentist
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
