Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
