He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
