How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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