I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
