This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
