is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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