So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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