so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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