i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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