You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
