it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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