Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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