I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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