hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
