Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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