dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I currently don't understand fingers.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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