There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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