yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
