Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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