Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
