I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
