just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
