tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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