I hate all girls vehemently.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
