If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I need to calm my uterus...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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