Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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