I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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