I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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