I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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