Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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