It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
