i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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