hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
