dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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