You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
