Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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