There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
