yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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