I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize