I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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