you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
