I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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