a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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