And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
