So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
