I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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