please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
