apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
