Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
