Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
