I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
