my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
