Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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