we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
