Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
