I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
