when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
