Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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