So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
