Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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