I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
